Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
