I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
