I need to stop coming to work sober
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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