So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
