Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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