I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
