I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
