We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
