last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
