I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
