Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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