i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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