He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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