Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
