I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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