I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
