I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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