his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im part way to drunk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
