last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize