is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
