I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
