ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
