Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
