Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize