Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
