Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
