This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
