You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize