i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
