I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
