this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize