once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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