If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
3 2 1 whiskey
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
