i already hear my dad disowning me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize