dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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