Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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