It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
