Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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