Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize