Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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