You're a womanizer and a bitch.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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