maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
