I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
