I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize