to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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