I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
