it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
