If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
