You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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