Girls should come with a carfax report
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize