Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So vagazzling was a success
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
