There was a lot of him and a little penis
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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