He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
