ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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