tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
