I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
