East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
