I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
