I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize