Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
