In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
