It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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