I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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