I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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